Apologies to Charles Bukowski


I fucking hate this school. All the teachers too. Well, there are a few exceptions, but few enough it doesn’t really matter.

There are a few saving graces. Molly, that redhead in fourth period I’m dying to fuck. There’s a party Friday, maybe that’ll happen. At least I’ll be drunk enough not to care about this shithole for a few hours.

Had a test today. Fucking Mr. Blum walked over to my desk and watched me solve quadratic equations. Grabbed the calculator out of my hand when he saw me using the program I wrote to solve them. Old fucking moron doesn’t even know what these piece of shit TI-83’s are capable of. Thought I was cheating.

Writing that goddamn program while I was halfway into the Ballmer Peak was how I learned to understand this irrelevant cocksucking formula, how can he not get that? I don’t get these ancient techno-illiterate cunts they put in charge of managing the prison sentence of our youths.


They gave us all iPads today. It was exciting until we realized they locked the fuckers down so they could only access Pearson-supplied, school-board-blessed, castrated useless pointless fucking content that isn’t going to help me get in Molly’s pants, much less learn anything better than I could from an ancient goddamn textbook. Fuck this place. I need a drink.

At least it’s Friday. I can get drunk at Pete’s place tonight and maybe cop a feel off Molly. At least I can look back on that since this shit school is never going to do a thing to get me into Harvard. Not that that degree would be worth wiping my ass with by the time I would graduate.

Fuck, I might as well devote my time to whiskey and women and poetry, it worked out well enough for that old misogynist bastard Bukowski I read last semester.

At least that fucker was honest, unlike the goddamn assholes handing us crippled iPads.


The party was okay. Grabbed Molly’s tit for a hot second, she smacked me. Okay.

Pete and Jimmy and I bypassed the shit security on those iPads. Managed to at least get on Facebook and share that stupid quadratic equation solver I wrote for my calculator, not that the other asswipe math teachers like Blum will ever understand the value of writing shit like that. Pretty sure we’re getting suspended if not expelled.

I should give up now. What’s the fucking point of even trying when the inmates are running the asylum? These fuckers couldn’t teach a baby to shit and that’s the truth. Why give us iPads when our damn teachers are like a million chimps banging on a million typewriters?

Why didn’t somebody teach the fucking teachers?

I’m going to fucking scream.